Dear Kyouya, Love Chouko
by Child of Wind and Wolves
Summary: "Why am I writing this?" "I can only assume it is because you don't return my feelings." "I don't care if you look at me differently, just talk to me. Please. I miss hearing you, hearing your voice." KyouyaxOC


_Dear Kyouya,_

_I wonder, why am I writing this? There is nothing I could say here that I can't tell you in club. That I can't say in front of the others, but there is. There is something I can tell you through this that I can't say in front of them, in front of all those people. What is it? It's simple when you think about it, I love you. That is what I can't say in front of them. I can imagine the cackles coming from the twins as I say it, the inevitable rant of true love Tamaki would go on. And the girls, all the glares from the girls would be worse than normal. You knew I was already being bullied for being in the club, being close to the men they wanted. _

_But that isn't all that I want to tell you. I also want to thank you. It was you who got me into the club, from the time I asked when I first came in after I bumped into Haruhi on the stairs. Yet I wonder why? Why was I let into the club so easily? There were many others who seemed to be a better fit for the club. Was it something you saw, something you thought you could gain from my being in the club? That's how you used to think, all merit and profit. But you have a kind side, a side you don't let show but you care about them, all of the hosts. Because of you, I got into the club, the one place that felt more like home than the empty house I live in. For that, thank you. _

_I guess this has grown too long. I wonder, will you read this and brush it off like so many others you have received? Will I be shot down like every other girl who has confessed to you? I hope that I won't, that maybe you feel the same for me as I do you. I can't imagine actually facing you after I send this. I don't want to face the rejection, the disappointment that I wasn't different from the girls who come into the club seeking attention. I'm sorry to have wasted your time with this._

_Love,_

_Chouko_

**nNnNnNnNnNnNnNnNn**

I sigh and click the send button, wiping sleep from my eyes. I haven't been able to sleep well in a long time, nightmares will come and wake me before I am completely rested. I wake in tears but can never recall the dream, what are they? I shake my head and push away from my desk and walk to my bed. I should try to sleep, it is better than worrying about the letter the entire night. That can't be healthy.

I place my glasses on the nightstand and turn out my light, glancing once more at the laptop on my desk. Maybe he does feel the same, or maybe my sights are set too high.

**nNnNnNnNnNnNnNnNn**

Summer break never really goes over well for me. Without classes I rarely leave the house, only going to work then to home. Why that is, I'll never understand. I push my bangs out of my eyes and glancing out of my window to the somewhat busy street. My music is playing through the stereo but it doesn't drown out the sound of cars on the road. It makes me want to cry, this loneliness and the sadness. I don't even fully understand why I am sad, maybe it is that letter I sent. Why did I send that anyway? I knew it would mess up our friendship, but I wanted to get it off my chest. But in the end, was it worth it?

I stand up from sitting on the floor at the coffee table and walk into the kitchen. I can't really sit around while my stomach is growling at me so loudly. Maybe the hosts will be getting together soon and I can join them on whatever crazy adventure they will be having.

**nNnNnNnNnNnNnNnNn**

_Dear Kyouya,_

_Again, I wonder why I am writing. I'm sure you never opened my last letter, and I can only assume it is because you don't return my feelings. I can understand that, there are so many others who would be worthy. Each was more capable and prettier than me, so I can understand your choice. Your father would never approve of me, what merit could I bring the family name? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be bothering you now. I'm sorry if I have inconvenienced you with this. _

_Love,_

_Chouko_

**nNnNnNnNnNnNnNnNn**

I heard my phone vibrate in the other room and hurry to pick it up. Tamaki was telling me they were all going on a trip to the beach again. I smiled, I loved the beach. He told me that he and Kyouya would be over to pick me and Haruhi up shortly. I hurried upstairs, grabbing my swimsuit and anything else I thought I might need for the trip. I packed it all away into a small backpack and hurried downstairs to find my sandals. I knew they would be fairly early, Kyouya was always one for punctuality. This gave me the perfect chance. I knew I wouldn't get another chance like it.

**nNnNnNnNnNnNnNnNn**

_Dear Kyouya,_

_I know I shouldn't be doing this, but is has been two months since the first letter. I don't care if you look at me differently, just talk to me. Please. I miss hearing you, hearing your voice. We haven't talked since and it is killing me. So please, just say something to me, I miss you._

_Love,_

_Chouko_

**nNnNnNnNnNnNnNnNn**

I feel tears running down my cheeks, it was true. All that I wrote in the letter was true, I miss him. I haven't heard his voice in over two months. I can't stand it. After I send the letter I slowly get up from my computer chair and lay on my bed. I still have the nightmares, they are becoming more clear, I'm starting to remember bits of them. I wish I couldn't, I liked it better when I never retained any of them. Ignorance is bliss in some cases. Rub my eyes to rid them of sleep, I don't want to sleep. I never want to sleep. Not anymore.

**nNnNnNnNnNnNnNnNn**

I was right, Kyouya arrived not long after I had talked to Tamaki. They were taking two limos so Tamaki went ahead to get Haruhi. Hikaru, Kaoru, Hunny, and Mori were all already at the beach. I smiled at Kyouya, this was the chance I was finally looking for. I wanted to tell him, finally, that I had fallen for him.

Kyouya helped me into the limo before he got in. He was reading through something in his black notebook and I just watched him for a moment. Suddenly the limo swerved, causing me to hit the door and Kyouya to land on me. I heard tires squeal against pavement, glass shatter around me. I heard screaming, but maybe that was my own screaming. I felt something warm cover me, blanketing me in an unfamiliar weight before my head hit the door and I was rendered unconscious.

**nNnNnNnNnNnNnNnNn**

_Dear Kyouya,_

_I haven't really talked to anyone since the….accident. I know they are worried, but seeing them reminds me of when we were all in the club room together. It hurts too much. I haven't gotten a good night's rest since, my dreams all turned to nightmares. Why did you do that? I wish you hadn't, maybe then I wouldn't be alone in this world again. I wouldn't be here safe while you are gone. I'm sorry, Kyouya. I wish I could have done something. Anything._

_Love,_

_Chouko_

**nNnNnNnNnNnNnNnNn**

The first thing I noticed when I came back was pain. My body seemed to be screaming at me for something and I didn't even know why. I heard voices but they didn't make sense to me. I recognized them, but couldn't place them. I groaned when I opened my eyes and was blinded by the lights overhead.

"Guys, quiet!" I heard someone say harshly, causing all chatter to stop. I blinked and looked around, finding that the hosts were standing in the pale colored room around me. They watched me and I could see something in their eyes. I couldn't place what it was.

"How are you feeling?" Haruhi asked me from my right side. It was then that I noticed the cast on my arm, and was confused.

"I feel like I was hit by a truck." I swallowed after I spoke, trying to get my voice back to normal. I noticed everyone flinch at my words and froze. "No." I remembered, being in the limo and something happening. "Where is Kyouya?" I asked quickly. He had to be okay, he was always okay. I looked at everyone, then I could name the look. Grief, grief and pity. I couldn't hear them, I didn't want to hear them, I cried and yelled. I didn't want to think about it.

**nNnNnNnNnNnNnNnNn**

It had been about three months ago. I didn't want to face that he was dead. I denied it with everything in me. I cried, actually I still haven't stopped crying. I haven't talked to the others, or smiled. He was my reason for smiling. Kyouya protected me, getting the brunt of the crash. There was a piece of metal, it was what killed him. It broke my arm, but killed him.

I wipe the tears from my eyes and look at the time. It is still early morning but I don't want to go to sleep. My dreams haunt me. They show me things that can never be and make my heart ache more than it already does. I can't stand them. I pull my knees to my chest and rest my cheek against them, looking out of the window at the starry sky. I'm brought from my thoughts my the sound of my phone when I receive an email. I don't want to deal with it, thinking it is another chain letter that Tamaki was emailed. I sigh and get up, opening my laptop and clicking on my email. What I see make the tears start again as I read.

_Dear Chouko,_

_I never meant for you to go through any of this. I did what I felt I had to, so I protected you. I'm sorry that it has left you alone. I did what I did because I loved you, I didn't want you hurt. I can't change what has been done, but you can move on. You should. I am sorry to have caused you such grief, I never wanted that for you. Please, talk to Tamaki. He has something I wanted to give to you._

_Love,_

_Kyouya_

This can't be true, he is gone. He has been gone for months. I bite my lip to stop from crying even more as I open the instant messenger and send Tamaki a message. I'm surprised when I receive a response at such an early hour.

_Chou: Tamaki, do you have something of Kyouya's?_

_Tono: Yes actually. How did you know? ARE YOU WATCHING ME?!_

_Chou: No Tamaki. I…..I got a message. I'll forward it to you._

I go back to the email and forward it to Tamaki. I wonder if this is some sick joke. Part of me wishes it was, while the other part hopes it isn't.

_Tono: I think this was actually him. I don't know how but he never told anyone about that. Tomorrow I'll bring it over. I'm going to bring the others, they have all been worried about you._

_Chou: Okay. It might do me some good. I'll see you tomorrow._

**nNnNnNnNnNnNnNnNn**

I didn't sleep at all before the hosts arrived in the morning. They have been here for a few hours but I haven't said much to them.

"Here Chouko. This is what we were talking about last night." Tamaki hands me a small box and I look at it before opening it. Inside is a silver necklace with an emerald pendant shaped like a tear drop. The pendant has silver wrapped around it. It is the same one we saw when we were on that trip to the "commoner's mall" that Tamaki dragged us all on so long ago. I feel the tears start again as the hosts close in on me in a group hug.

A/N

This is an older story of mine, one I wrote and posted on my old account. I decided to re-write it and see where it would go. And this is the result.


End file.
